Tag: be kind

Choices

This post might be a bit more political than normal. My intent is not to make people feel bad on either side of the line, but more to remind us all to come together. I have been watching and listening, as have we all, to the thoughts on the Covid19 vaccine. I find it interesting how divisive this has been to our country. Neighbors against neighbors, states against states, human beings fighting over everything, but particularly the vaccine.

I have been thinking a lot about vaccinations. We have had great success with vaccines to prevent measles, mumps, polio, small pox, chicken pox, and on and on. We now have a new vaccine for Covid. In the past, we were asked to vaccinate our kids against all of these diseases, because they have never been totally eradicated from the planet, so there is always a possibility of them resurfacing over time. There was always a choice to be made, however, on the part of each individual. I do not recall ever having anyone look at me and ask if I had had my vaccinations or not. I have never had anyone tell me that I couldn’t participate in something, or be around others because I may or may not have been vaccinated against any particular disease. I also have never had to carry around a card telling everyone that my vaccinations are current. We all have been blessed with the freedom of choice, and not being judged for either one, or at least mostly not being judged for having vaccinated or not.

What has happened to our country? We are more concerned with the business of our neighbor than we are with our own health and safety. To wear a mast of not, if not, to be judged by everyone else wearing a mask, and in some instances ridiculed for not doing so. To believe the things the media is telling us or not, and then, either way, to be told you’re wrong, your sources are wrong, you are being misled. To vaccinate or not, and then, again, on either side to be told you’re being misled, or that you don’t care about anyone else if you choose not to. I think one thing this pandemic has shown us, is how much bad information there is out there. It doesn’t matter your opinion on anything, you can find an expert to back you up. It’s hard to weed through it all.

I still believe in the ability to choose for ourselves what we think is best for our own bodies. Let me make it perfectly clear here, I am not talking about abortion, that involves more than one body and I believe you gave up your rights to choose when you chose to have sex. Every action has a consequence. But, knowing that every action has a consequence, if someone decides to get vaccinated, then they get the consequences of that action, hopefully it results in less risk for infection, hopefully there are no side effects to the vaccine 5 years down the road. But it’s your choice, and it’s a private one. If you choose not to get vaccinated, then you get the consequences of that action too. You may contract Covid, you may not. You may end up in the hospital on life support, or die. You may not. But again, you have that opportunity to choose.

I guess what I think is, that we need to stop being so worried about what our neighbor is doing and not doing, and do what we feel like is best for us personally. Let our neighbors do what is best for them personally. And then, in the end, be kind to them. Don’t judge them, remembering that you don’t want to be judged either. I love the golden rule: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” That has been forgotten in many instances in our world today. We don’t want to be judged, so we cannot pass judgement on others. We want our thoughts and opinions to be considered, so we need to likewise consider EVERYONE else’s thoughts and opinions, not just the ones we agree with or like. That doesn’t mean that we have to agree, or change what we believe, but we can learn and be compassionate towards our fellowmen, towards our neighbor, whoever they may be. So today, be kind, have compassion, don’t judge, and learn something new about someone else.

Lift

I had a conversation with my husband the other day on our way home from Anchorage. He likes to go several mph over the speed limit. I tend to stay closer to the speed limit and not worry too much about the traffic. When people start passing him, he speeds up. I observed that it was interesting how people tended to do that. He said he felt like he was getting behind. We weren’t going any slower than before. We were going to arrive at home at the same time as we would have anyway. We were not being impeded by anyone else’s speed. How often do we see others and compare ourselves to them in some way, their perfect life, perfect children, perfect job, perfect meal, etc. And somehow we feel like that makes us lesser or we feel we are falling behind in some way.

We are all on a journey, no one is on the same journey, however, everyone’s destination is the same in mortality. I believe in life after death, but even removing that from the cenario for a moment, none of us is getting out of here alive. We go through unique challenge, that really aren’t as unique as we may think. How often does it seem, that we see someone else’s success and think that somehow it diminishes our success or worth? As we go along in life, along with everyone else, we have the choice. Do we stop our progress to envy someone else’s, do we step on and over others to get to the top of the mountain first, the mountain that in the end really won’t matter, or do we reach down and help those around us up? Helping someone else, lifting someone else’s burden doesn’t set us back. It most often gives us the strength to keep going ourselves, and when we help others and then find ourselves in need of help, someone will be there to lift us up.

I love to exercise as you may have read previously, and one comment that is common through the exercise world is, “You are only in competition with yourself.” We need to see, feel, and internalize that. The only person you can change is you. The only person you can control is you. Comparison of ourselves with others is bondage. When we look at others through the perfect snippets of someone’s life we can’t help but be discouraged. However, when we look inside, see the good in ourselves, and are grateful for that good, how ever much or little we see, we can build on that, we can make ourselves better, build ourselves into who we want to be, it’s up to us individually to do so. And once we’ve begun doing that, we can help someone else do a little better, be a little better,which will continue to change us for the better.

I love this quote by Mother Teresa. I received this quote several years ago and it changed my perspective on life:

People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered; Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish ulterior motives; Be kind anyway. If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies; Succeed anyway. If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you; Be honest and frank anyway. What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight; Build anyway. If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous; Be happy anyway. The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow; Do good anyway. Give the world the best you have and it may just never be enough; Give the world the best you have anyway. You see, in the final analysis, it’s all between you and God; It was never between you and them anyway.

We are unique individuals created by God, all on a journey back to Him. To get there we need to be kind and lift where we can. We are all His children and He loves each individual, all of us. Putting life after death back in the equation, we all are headed back to Him. And, in the end, “it’s all between you and God, it was never between you and them anyway.”

What is Love?

Today is Valentine’s day. The day of love, my favorite holiday! I love Valentine’s day and always have. When I was a kid it was an opportunity to tell my friends that we were friends and that they meant something to me. To tell my family that I loved them. It’s simple. Christmas is stressful. There is so much to arrange, even when it’s simple, presents to buy, worry that people won’t like things or that someone or something will be forgotten, etc. But Valentine’s day, there is no expectations, at least not from any one around me. A simple card that says I love you, I care about you, I am thinking about you especially today. That’s all it takes.

Over the years I have had time and opportunity to ponder on what love isn’t. I have learned several things, not only looking back on my life, but looking around me as well. I think when we think of love, we think of Hollywood. That burning, passionate drive toward someone we find attractive. And while I believe being attracted to someone can be part of the equation, it is not the end all. I think we put way too much emphasis on that, and not enough on the heart. That is not what makes for a good relationship, that is not love. Looks change, exhaustion sets in when there’s small kids and jobs and school and life. There are so many people now that view love like Hollywood, and when that attraction starts to dwindle, that burning starts to go out, when life starts to get real, they move on. That was never real love.

So, just as I’ve pondered on what love isn’t, I have pondered and learned what love really is. My husband and I are very similar in a lot of ways, how we believe, how we think politically, how we view the world. However, even though we have the same end goal, we have totally different ways of getting there, which on occasion clash with each other. Most of the time it’s little clashes that never go any further. Sometimes they are bigger clashes and we have to step back and think about things. One day my kids wondered if we loved each other all the time. I said, “of course we do, sometimes we just don’t like each other very much!” Love isn’t about living in this la la land of happily ever after all the time. Love is sticking with things even when they’re hard, because hard doesn’t last forever. Love is sticking with each other even when there’s nothing exciting going on, because most of life is pretty mundane. Love is helping each other, even when they don’t know, because it’s not about praise or recognition, but about getting the job done, just because it needs doing, and it really doesn’t matter who does it. Love is not about 50/50, but about giving 100% to the relationship, and when one person is weak, and only giving 75%, the other person steps in and gives 125%, knowing that when they need that same help back, it’ll be there. Love is never perfect, because well, there is no such thing as perfect in this life.

A few months ago we were sitting at the dinner table eating dinner and my kids were telling me that when they were little and would get scared at night, once in a while when they would try to wake me up, their dad would have them come over to his side so that I could sleep, because he knew how tired I was. I always want him to be able to sleep because he has to get up and go to work. That is love. We burn wood to heat our house. It’s the only form of heat we have. Sometimes when my husband is super tired, I volunteer to go fill the boiler for him. Always, without fail, one of my boys will volunteer to come and help me, knowing I struggle getting the last few pieces in because of their length. They hate filling the boiler. That’s love. I still get nervous about driving long distances to take my art places around the state. My daughter will get off work early just to ride along. She likes road trips, but doesn’t have to do that for me. That’s love. When I tell my kids we are going to go do something they don’t want to do, but we go and do it anyway, and sometimes it’s miserable, but they go the next time. That’s love. But I haven’t just seen love in my family. The friend who has done an advent calendar for many years for my kids every Christmas, not just the little cheap premade ones, but a really nice homemade one, my mom calling me just to say hi because I was on her mind, my dad sending me the Sudoku and crossword puzzles from the newspaper just because he knows I love them, my mother-in-law feeding us dinner every Sunday, a friend calling up and asking if I want to go walking with her and her dogs, etc. These are love.

We all have the opportunity to be who we are, to believe what we believe, and to become what we choose to become. I want to become like my Savior. He has said to love my neighbor as myself. I have beliefs and opinions that differ from many people, but that doesn’t mean I can’t truly care about others, because from they beginning, they are also children of God. And, after all, we are all loved by Him first. This world is a crazy place, and can be really hard sometimes. But it’s a lot easier when we can love those around us, and when we feel love in return.