The other day as my family and I were eating dinner together, I sat back and just listened to my kids and husband visit about work and different things that happened in their day. It was nice to sit back. I enjoyed listening to the conversation. They had funny stories to tell, reports on progress, and some more serious notes.

Eating together from the time my husband and I got married until about 6 or 7 years ago was super easy. We were always home for at least one meal together, and in the summer we ate all three meals together most days. But as our kids have gotten older and busier, we generally only have dinner together about 5 or 6 out of 7 days in any given week.

Years ago I had read all the research about eating together as a family, the importance of doing so everyday, and the positive benefits, particularly on the kids when this is a consistent habit over many years. I decided to make it a goal, but hadn’t really thought about it for many years until just recently. I am not able to better see the fruits of that goal after 27 years of being extremely consistent for the most part.

I have found many benefits to eating dinner together as a family. I don’t know why, but food makes my kids more talkative. Maybe it’s not the food, more the company or topic of conversation. But they seem to be more open to just casual or serious, sometimes funny conversation while sitting around the table eating. When we get into a really good conversation, they tend to hang around even after the meal is over, just to visit with each other. This has taught our kids how to communicate with each other. Now that some of them are starting to leave home, the relationships they built over the years and their ability to communicate continues with them when they leave.

I have also found that we slow down when dinner is actually around the table rather than in front of the TV, at the counter, or in the car. Having one sit down meal a day helps to ground everyone, bring everyone back together, and keep relationships alive and healthy. Even when my kids have been angry with one another, sitting around the table brings peace, even after they have left the table.

The other thing I’ve learned is it’s not about the food. I like to make most of what we eat from scratch, but the last few years with the busier schedules, sometimes we have pizza or hot dogs for dinner. Sometimes the dinner table is at a restaurant. But it has been the consistency of sitting down at a table as a family almost every night that has made all the difference. Even though it’s not about the food though, I love when they come home with a specific meal in mind that is their favorite, or something new they’ve had while they’re away that they want to share. This gives even more reasons to converse and share memories or stories while we eat.

There is a ton of research out there on the benefits of having one meal a day together as a family, much of that research sites greater family unity. Now that my kids are starting to leave home, I have seen the benefits of years and years of family dinners and the importance of consistency for the long haul. There are more factors to great family relationships than just family dinner together, but I believe this one habit to be one of the bigger, more important ones to family unity, understanding, compassion, and love.